On my last two blogs, I have addressed a fairly common interpersonal dynamic that occurs when people from different backgrounds interact. In socio-linguistic terms, it is referred to as “code switching”. It is about how certain women and certain people of color tend to adapt their way of interacting in order to be better heard, if lucky, understood or, even better, accepted by mainstream society.
There is no question that everyone, regardless of gender, socio-economic background, ethnicity or age, tends to talk differently depending on who is before them. If we are interacting with a young child, regardless of their background, we may all use a different tone of voice or choice of words than if talking with an adult. If we come from a cultural background that distinguishes gender roles quite clearly, we may even further adapt our topics of conversation to match the fact that we are relating to a boy or a girl. If we come from a counter-culture that advocates for gender equity, we may intentionally not choose to make such adaptation. An African American successful business entrepreneur coming from humble beginnings will certainly not talk to her family and childhood friends the same way she would relate business partners on Wall Street. However, that is not the code-switching we are referring to in intercultural dynamics. There are critical differences when we pay attention to who needs to adapt to whom, who is simply oblivious to this dynamic, and how the adaptation is learned.
Changing the way we speak when talking to a child, our neighbor, or a complete stranger is a sign of how socially adept we may be. In normal circumstances, we learned such skills at an early age from our social surroundings. And, even if we are not completely proficient at it, the social consequences of not using the right terms or tone are not usually drastic, nor as mind boggling. However, it is quite a different story when those who are recurrently seen and treated as having ‘lesser social rank’ adapt the way they interact with the hopes to “fit in” mainstream society. First of all, the adaptation is only one-way. Second, most people coming from ‘higher social rank’ are completely oblivious to the fact that others adapt to their ways in order to be heard, and if lucky, understood. Third, since all of these dynamics are rarely talked about all the learning is done by a hit or miss process, and no explicit feedback. Can you imagine how confusing it is for those learning?
To put it more bluntly, how does a young adult immigrant from Asia or Latin America learn to interact with his or her middle class peers in the USA? What are their chances of their choice of words, or tone, or body language being seriously mis-interpreted, and thus judged, by their local counter-parts? If the interaction is fairly informal and on a friendly basis, it explains why social integration has such a long way to go, at least, in the USA. However, if we take a look at this dynamic in the workplace, then… we have a lot of insight why discrimination in employment is so prevalent, even in the Twenty First Century!
Food for Thought: Have you ever been in a situation in which you are, by-far, the minority in a group or society? Was your ‘minority status’ one that placed you in a higher or lower rank? If you were perceived and treated as one of lesser rank— did you learn to interact in a fashion that would make you more heard in the group? How did you learn how to do that?
I would certainly be extremely interested in learning about others experiences in this very complex and rich field.
